Recently asked by a friend; If you could go back to any point in your life and A) Stand there and watch yourself live it out, B) Re-Live it exactly how it was or C) Go back and be able to make changes without any repercussions when would you go back to? To their surprise I gave them the same answer to all 3, that being the 28th of February to 1st of October 2013.
Why and how would all of these propositions be solved by one period of time I guess you are wondering, well…
February: My Crush of about 5 months said that she would go to the Year 11 Prom with me.
March: A residential school trip, began with elation and turned in to excruciation after a few hours as after sitting round a campfire I found myself opposite my crush and to my shock she was there getting back with her ex boyfriend who treated her like an ass. Another twist in that night came as after the second most awkward selfie ever suffered, throughout a projection of James Bond Skyfall, she sat and cuddled up to me as we played Mario Kart before she headed off in to the night following the film…the first major sign that I should run a mile and leave her well alone…but I didn’t.
April: Out of the blue she messaged me about going to play badminton one night by ourselves, of course I accepted and went easy on her…I still won every game…but afterwards standing outside waiting for her mum under a strange flurry of snow, we held each other tight with my jumper around her, a few moments of pre kiss tension brewed but before we could go any further the pick up arrived. Other event’s this month included her plucking my eyebrows, painting my nails and playing football together.
May: GCSE time…revision…nope. The only revision done was 10 minutes of history on a plane back from Sharm El Sheikh, however I managed to breeze on through. That holiday was one which saw the amount of sweet talking grow but was also when I believe she managed to become the one who got away…yet again. The only contradiction to this being a small kiss shared as Zorro awoke Snow White at a Fancy Dress Party.
June: Two weeks from prom we went on a school trip to the University of Leicester, all was fine while there but as soon as we returned back…she was picked up…by a random guy…who was kissing her. The suspicions were correct and all felt lost with my first week as a PE teaching Assistant being an odd feeling one.
July: Prom. The Big One. Heading in to it, my heart shattered in pieces, wanting to avoid most people, aiming to just get the night over and done with. We all funnel in to the hall, passing by the bar, wish tree (A bare tree where we hung tags of what we wished for our future careers) and sweets table. Emotions ran higher when I told my teachers I did not know if I would be going Sixth Form due to my coaching work at a local team taking a lot of time. A few photos outside taken, dinner eaten and the dancefloor fell quiet…leaving it to one of my best friends and I to kick off the evening with a jokey slow dance to Passenger’s Let It Go. After a few more dances I go back to sit down and chat with a few more friends. She spots me and comes over to get a selfie, the struggle to put a smile on my face was incredibly painful and evident…as soon as she had finished I got up and made a B Line for the photographer section with my best mate where we got a few pictures which made us look like we had just been joined in a Civil Partnership. Then she came over…and my friends all disappeared with a laugh and wave down the corridor, leaving us both to have photos taken infront of a growing crowd as the photographer tried to get me to relax while placing my hands awkwardly on her hips. Following the picture she disappeared outside again with the feelings of lost chances reappearing as I rejoined my friends on the dancefloor for a dance off and belting out our anthem of Oasis’ Wonderwall. I checked my phone to see a couple of missed calls and texts from her looking for me as the DJ announced that the next song would be the last. At that moment she stood in the doorway and spotted me, walked over and dragged me away from my friends. Time seemed to slow to a standstill as we slow danced to Don’t Stop Believing. As we spun around I could see all of our friends standing almost statuesque peering over as I smiled back, raised my eyebrows and winked.
If only that joy was not a one off…if only…what could have been…
August: I visited her on her NCS project where her and her best friend were working. To help their cause I paid for a face and arm paint as both her dad and project leader believed I was her boyfriend, a moment which was embarrassingly and painfully brushed off as she told them of our friendship.
September: Back at school for the start of Sixth Form, 2 days in I found out that her boyfriend had been talking to other girls while she was physically with him, a conversation which I overheard between her and her friends which left her teary eyed and me raging of how he could do such a thing. Over the month we had grown closer than ever before, even having our moments just waiting to be sealed with me asking her out…It was planned for the 1st of October…the bait being planted on the 29th as I visited where she worked, “Looking for a watch for my Dad’s Birthday”.
But it never happened, mere minutes before asking her on the way home from school I spotted her with the biggest jock and player in school, walking and laughing where I should have been standing…my heart sunk before shattering as it hit the floor of the pit of despair. Cemented in public understanding as the next day they made it official…leading to two of the most painful weeks of my life, avoiding her the majority of the time, leaving rooms as she entered. A rugby session saw he and I to come to blows following his unceremonious dumping of her leaving her crying in the middle of the classroom in to my chest.
This was the beginning of the end for us as I made a few rash and desperate decisions combined with the Crag Banna period and her infidelity, extending the on off saga for another 15 months.
This period provided me with some of the greatest and happiest times in my life and given me a view of what a crush, love and obsession is like…but also the pain created opportunity to grow and better myself, eventually learning from what had happened, teaching me to be less trusting…something I would never trade for the world.