Summer Writing Projects

Being back from University for the summer leaves a lot of free time needing to be filled with something creative or else the time will be wasted. One thing I would love to do is get back to story writing and here are a few ideas.

The first is one which I have seen thrown around on twitter which is an informal request for anyone to write a story in which the main character falls in love with the reader. Despite this being an open request, as it is not an original idea of my own I do not feel entirely comfortable with writing it unless I could collaborate with the original mind behind the stimulus.

However a theme/topic which may already exist under a different name is what I call “Semi-Fiction”, a type of fictional story writing which use a lot of real world facts, figure and innovations that you would find in a non-fiction educational book. This being said, prior to university I envisioned and planned out writing a “Semi-Fiction” novel which followed the planet’s efforts to find a way to survive with energy and other key resources running out a lot quicker than anybody had expected, coming at he reader from multiple third person perspectives with those main characters coming from diverse backgrounds yet still somehow having an impact on everybody else.

Still along the “Semi-Fiction” route is an idea which I am possibly most keen on at the moment which is creating “Semi-Fiction” stories for children and young adults which educate them on various sports and hobbies such as; Rugby Union, Pro Wrestling and Scuba Diving. Within these books with be industry related words in bold or italics which can then be defined in the glossary. Out of those pass-times mentioned Pro Wrestling also offers the opportunity to write wrestling storylines which can enthral the reader of the book as much as the in story wrestling fans. However the problem with all three hobbies mentioned, should I wish the story to be publishable in any format I will not be able to mention real life teams, companies, promotions and their employees which would make it harder for the readers to identify the characteristics of each of the secondary characters. This being said there will be more opportunity to create and develop character description however this could cause the narrative to become slow paced and tough to read.

 

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How to Tell if Somebody Likes You

Many of us have been in a situation where you either like somebody and want to know how how they feel back or when you have seen somebody begin to act differently towards you and want to know what’s with them. I have managed to find a couple of simple methods to find out your answer.

Guys Trying to Find if a Girl Likes Them*

Step 1: Do you think that they like you?

Step 2: If you answered no, stop wasting your time and just carry on with life. If you answered yes then the real answer is not they don’t like you that way because life never turns out the way you envisage in your head.

 

Girls Trying to Find if a Guy Likes Them

Step 1: Do you even to wonder whether they do, of course they like you…you are a girl right.

 

Now those methods may seem short but they take in to account on of the worst possible scenarios a person could experience…the friendzone. As a locally renowned expert in the field with being a guy who arguably gets on better with girls than he does other blokes the old joke “What is the easiest way to make friends with a girl? Ask them out”may as well be my motto. This being said I’ve only asked out/tried it on with 7 girls, 3 became girlfriends, 3 draw out periods in to the friendzone abyss and the final still has the conclusion yet to be found. In this age, any kind of “zoning” is an easy escape route for any girl (or the rare cases where boys have done it) where they can’t be brave enough to say “No” or “Not right now”. But as they aren’t a definitive answer, people still try to escape, leading to moments of false hope where they think they are making progress where instead their kindness, over caring, over attentiveness or other personal changes are digging themselves deeper in to that hole which is why I recommend that you cut those ties no matter how painful that may be. It stops you wasting months or years of your life, stops you changing who you truly are to try and impress or get with the person you want, you lose friends along the way and you constantly have to ask whether it is all worth it, something that if you think of in a relationship you shouldn’t be part of it. Also if the zoner is doing it because they can’t be brave enough or just want to string you along, you don’t deserve that weight dragging you down because you deserve to live your life free.**

 

*Apologies to any homosexual, bisexual or pansexual people reading this who may become offended by my heterocentricity is this piece as I can only speak for the mindsets which I know and they are of myself and other “straight” people which I know. I’m sure that being otherwise orientated does not make you think or act differently however I did not feel comfortable making assumptions for populus which I didn’t fully understand.

** I know the majority of that paragraph was off of the main topic and self motivated but I felt that it needed to be said.

State of Play (Off Field) at Euro 2016

As a lover of all things sport and competition, here is one post that I just wish I didn’t have to write.

All these hooligans worried about ISIS ruining the Euros are beating them to it. This isn’t sport, this is a gang fight series. I get passion and patriotism but never have I wanted to wound and maim another person because they liked a different set of 23 men. Only 2 days in and already this tournament will be remembered for the wrong reasons.

Following the England vs Russia game, England goalkeeper, Joe Hart went to the supporters imploring them to stay in the ground and to stay safe while in the opposite corner of the ground a mass brawl had broken out between fans of both sides. The most notable casualties of the violence from an English perspective has come in the form of a man dieing after allegedly being pushed in front of a Metro Train following the match with Russia, another man suffering a heart attack as he tried to flee the scene of violence in the hours before the match and a video of an England fan being hit over the head with a wooden chair, causing him to fall down a flight of stairs.

It isn’t just English and Russians involved as in Lens reports of Northern Irish and Polish hooliganism broke out. Undoubtedly more violence and low level rioting will continue as the tournament progresses. But why and why Football? Sports such as Rugby and Cricket especially in England contain unsegregated seating and terracing, more alcohol consumed at the former also resulting in opposition fans joining together to enjoy a spectacle of human performance. The answer to that question we may never know as witnessing this at a young age sets the precedent for children at future tournaments that this is acceptable and the norm rather than sport being an opportunity to be socially and physically active, uniting people of multiple cultures rather than strain the already tested bonds of diversity.

UEFA coming out last night and this morning saying they “condemn the violence amongst the fans” without following up with any substantial punishments. While this continues its going to be equivalent to if I saw someone kick a puppy and I just go “I don’t agree with what they did” and get on with my life. Sure the violence and hooliganism is not all fans of each nation involved and with the nationwide presence of the championships, French police can not deal with all clashes efficiently while maintaining their regular duties. If this was club football within Europe then we would be seeing hefty fines to clubs (Various Football Associations likely to be fined here) and games to some extent behind closed doors. Now this is practically impossible within the current international tournament but could be a possibility for future qualifying. Disqualification has to be used at any last resort if it poses a serious threat to widespread human safety and permanent damage to Football’s reputation as a sport. It’s a daunting thought that we may have to accept that the cocktail of Alcohol, Sun and Ethnic Diversity will cause problems with UEFA having their hands tied over what they can do to punish those few without facing backlash from the many.

Nobody should ever go to do or see something they love and never return. Football is no longer the beautiful game. Football has lost more than it has gained.

An Investigation in to the Efficiency of “Dimensional Ratio” Strength and Conditioning Training

Introduction

The following post and description of the investigation may already exist under a different name to “Dimensional Ratio Strength and Conditioning Training”, however I am yet to have found it, and if anybody knows more information on the topic or where to find information any guidance would be welcome. As a prospective Dissertation idea for my third year at university, I cannot reveal exact figures for any tests conducted on here as well as not being able to reveal names of individuals and institutions who I have contacted and worked with throughout the investigation.

 

The Hypothesis/Key Theory

Watching sport of any kind you can often observe that there is an archetypal physique of players and performers within certain positions in various sports. It is from these elite level performers where we can deduce a ratio of the size, mass and strength of their Arms, Legs and Torsos. Having been measured measured for size, mass and bodyfat recently through Skinfold Caliper and Hydrostatic Weighing Tests, I had been able to work out the ratios for my phsyical self. I contacted two Rugby Union Clubs who informed me that the measurements and ratios which I produced were similar to the average “Back” player (Examples of those appearing to be similar to myself being Harry Mallinder and George North who currently play for Northampton Saints RUFC), despite me being far lighter and skinnier than the players which they had tested. It is with this I have hypothesised that the weights and resistances which I use in my personal workout regimes can be scaled up or down for people playing as Rugby Union Backs to achieve a physique and level of conditioning similar to that of an archetypal elite player. An example of this being that if I trained biceps by performing 3 sets of 8 reps of 20kg barbell curls if a player is twice as big as myself they would be optimally training by performing the same amount of reps and sets with 40kg of weight.

Within this other conditions would need to be met such as body fat percentage as somebody with a higher body fat percentage would not have the same strength and amount of muscle mass as somebody at the same weight with lower fat percentage, therefore a standard level of bodyfat (Around 7%-8%) would have to be established and achieved before beginning the resistance training would begin. A point of interest within the investigation would be how people of different Body Types and Heights respond to the resistances.

Through the BMI calculation anybody can calculate (with the same bodyfat percentage of the envisioned person) how much they would need to weigh to theoretically look or be as strong as a desired person as the formula can be rearranged to find out required weight from the height and BMI figure of the individuals involved. This factor considered it will be an area of curiosity as to whether, ideal and replica body image can be achieved regardless of height.

 

Plan of Method

As I am currently participating on the “Train Like a Pro 2016” programme I am not going to be able to test myself by finding elite athlete training programmes and scaling it down to my weight until January. However with regards to testing on willing participants I must first establish a list of exercises which are able to be performed at virtually every gym in the world to allow greater access to participants, not restricting them to one gym. Any participants that I would work with personally would not be able to be recruited until September at the very earliest when the academic year starts. It is from there that progress would be individually and personally assessed, and evaluated by each participant over the course of several months with the longer the time period conducted over, the more accurate and reliable the results and conclusions would be.

 

Finishing Notes

Chances are that once University starts up again in September, I will have to abandon this project, with the vast array of external factors from student life taking effect on myself and the possible participants. Therefore if anybody would like to use and review this hypothesis please share and comment on this post. I will try to keep on task and report back with various updates with the first most likely to be in January.

 

Crag Banna: Do Penguins Have Knees?

When I told my family and friends that I had written a five minute stand up piece about sex, one said “Oh that’s funny because you only last one minute”… I really wish I hadn’t told you that…Nan.

Single People give me a cheer, (Wait for cheers), wow you sir down the front definitely screamed aloud. You may aswell have shouted “Yeah I’m single and what, a different night, a different girl. That’s how I roll”.

Ok now Happy Couples give me a cheer. I love how just before that cheer there was a lot of rustling of girlfriends and wives elbowing their fellas saying “Go on cheer, show him we’re happy together” and the guys just clap going “Hmm yeah…”. God the singles are so much happier.

Relationships are precious though and one of the biggest moments in a young relationship is when you finally go to her place to do it for the first time, and by do it I mean su-hex. This happened to me a few years back, there I am stood in her bedroom, she turns around and says I’m just going to go to the bathroom to get ready…my trousers were down before the door had even shut behind her, they dropped so hard there was a hole in the floor…oh I’ll just put some cones around that nevermind.

I thought, I may as well get ready so I got warmed up the only way I knew how, (Do high knees running across the stage one way minding the imaginary hole), doing keepy uppys with my nads, (Do the cha cha cross leg run back across the stage then do the arm windmill). Then she came back…and she said three of the greatest words a man can hear…”Lets. Do. Doggy”. Now Doggy is the greatest of all positions, you have all the joys of regular sex with the added risk of ending your night with one wrong slip of the (Cough). You don’t have to look at the girls face turning in to every single emoji (Pull Wink Face, Awkward Face, Smiley Face then Crying Face) and it gives you a chance to ponder some of life’s great questions such as, “DO PENGUINS HAVE KNEES?” But this time doggy got even better because the wallpaper of her room…were Beano-Dennis the Menace Comic Strips…YEAAAAAAAAAH.  (Act out the Doggy) So I’m there in the rhythm…reading away, haha classic pie face oh you never change. But then the strip ends, so I’m looking all around the room for the next page. Suddenly I hear “Harder, do it harder” but I’m slowed right down trying to find the continuation… “I said do it harder come on”. Shut up I’m trying to find out if Curly and Gnasher managed to get the slingshot back.

Surprisingly, I never found the next page…and I never saw her again. So if you’re out there, please, please…tell me what happened next.

I’ve been Crag Banna and I need to change my boxers, good night, God Bless.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: All of the above is intellectual property owned by myself (C) 2016