Crag Banna: Do Penguins Have Knees?-Part 2 (AKA Additions)

One of the first things to happen in a relationship is that you establish affectionate nicknames for each other like; darling, sweetie, honey, babe or retarded doughnut in tin foil…no prizes for guessing who was lucky enough to get that one (Fist Pump)…this guy. The latest one I’ve given is “Sloth”. Now, when you tell people her nickname is Sloth they go “Aww that’s cute, because sloths are small furry and like to sleep a lot”…NO…she just reminds me of the monster from Goonies…

Possibly the biggest moment in a relationship for a guy is the first home game, no man has ever moved so quickly as when he’s trying to clean up before his girl comes round for the first time. Even worse still when you’re living with your parents, you have to be more organised than a secret service mission, with inch perfect choreographed coming and going…and they find out. I didn’t even have to tell them, it was like they had a sixth sense, my Mum woke me up early one morning and went, “She is not coming to this house, I am not going to be party to any unplanned teenage pregnancies”. WHAT?!?! (Throw arms in the air) Firstly, does my mum think she’s getting involved in any way, even Jeremy Kyle would say fuck trying to sort that out. Secondly, I’m pretty sure I know what I’m doing, those thousands of nights watching (Make quote mark gesture) “completely educational” videos in the dark were not for nothing…

But then, you have the Dad’s…god bless the fathers of boyfriends everywhere…this is their moment to act like a pervy old man and it will appear perfectly fine. When my parents were going on holiday they said, “Come with us, there’s wifi and a spare bed” like that was a once in a lifetime opportunity I simply went to my Dad, “You know where else there is wifi and a spare bed…right here when you’re away”. Anyone would have expected to be dragged away so fast that they were put on an earlier flight but no…not my old man.

He took me out of the room and went, “Here’s a pack of Johnnies, some energy bars downstairs, have the keys, have fun, never mind the hidden camera”. I could see in his eyes the pride that his little boy was about to become a man, so much joy that I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that we’d already done it three times in the week before. Oops (Cover Mouth with Hand).


Train Like a Pro 2016- Quarter Three

Half of the year gone yet no easing up in the quest to achieve my personal fitness through testing out a range of sport’s specialised training techniques and fad activities. Despite progress and motivation arguably decreasing over the second quarter, the third quarter will have my near undivided attention as over two months of it will be spent at home on summer break.

Continuing on from June the main personal goal will be to improve my aerobic endurance simultaneously with increasing my movement speed and workout intensity with the secondary to keep increasing my muscle mass and overall weight.

Here are the topics of activity and exercise for the third quarter:

July-Triathlon. Similarly named to last months Decathlon, also being called Iroman Challenges, these are not close to being the same as the Triathlon focuses upon high levels of aerobic and muscular endurance as they test every fibre of the body with long distance swims (1500m), cycles (40km) and runs (10km). As a result throughout the month alongside every workout I will be taking part in each of these activities attempting to achieve distances in proportion to each other, aiming to build up to the full distances. The aim of these are to maintain or increase my speed every time I increase the distance.

August- Badminton. This being my main sport year round I have the ability to use the playing time that I have to train, using ankle and wrist weights to add resistance to my movements, causing me to also be more technical and energy economical in order to get the same results. With regards to work in the gym, muscular endurance within the upper body  will be the main focus aiming to work at 50% of my maximum on all stations/benches for 20 reps followed by a set of 50% plus 5kg or 10lbs at 12 reps, followed by a set of the same weight but at 16 reps.

September- Football (Soccer). Returning to University on the 10th of September it will be easy to work on this months variation as it is the main sport which we focus on within lectures and seminars in which we coach ourselves and each other. As such there will be multiple opportunities like with the Badminton in August to play football with added resistances and conditions on my play which will create a football specific football training environment. At the gym the focus will be similar to August with muscular endurance being the main focus however this time the focus will be with the legs and lower back using the same resistance proportions as mentioned previously.

Train Like a Pro 2016- June Review

June, the month of the Decathlon, and with that came circuit training. Using a smorgasbord of equipment from weighted sand bags to balance boards to TRX equipment alongside the usual resistance machines and free weights a circuit-like experience was created through spending 30 seconds at each station working at 75-80% of my maximum. Each station was followed by a 15 second rest before moving on to another station working a different area of the body. After working for 15 minutes I would take a slow 5 minute recovery session on the aerobic activity machines or stretch. Depending on how much time I had I would repeat the process once or twice more.

As you’d have guessed from that I had managed to find a gym to use following my university breaking up for summer however the major drawback of this gym is its size. I had gone from a gym with 10 crosstrainers and 14 static bikes to a gym with 2 crosstrainers and 3 static bikes so you can tell that often competition to get on a piece of equipment was tough. Often with people coming in pairs or groups, it would be impossible to get on certain pieces or in certain areas such as the free weight racks, bench/squat areas and on the cable machine. This therefore on occasions made it difficult to get a highly varied circuit workout, nonetheless the time spent remained the same meaning that some muscles and muscle groups were worked more on certain days than others.

Despite no longer being the primary goal to gain muscle mass, I have been able to put on over 2 pounds of weight over the course of the month taking me up to just over 145 pounds, something which I hope continues to happen despite the cardio heavy July programme which I shall describe in my next post. This month adjusting to the new gym environment, long spells on a cardio machine have been hard to come by with my best efforts being limited to 5 minutes with a resistance added cross trainer walk/jog of 0.5km and a resistance added cycle of 2.12km. However I had been able to jog 6 miles from Wellingborough Town’s Dog and Duck Football Ground to Burton Park Wanderers’ Football Ground within 2 hours while allowing one of my friends to keep up. I am hoping that over the coming month there will be more opportunities to redo all of these aerobic activities in attempt to improve on them and have some measure of progression as the new season gets ever closer.