In a post around a month ago called “How to Tell if Somebody Likes You” I said that you should not change yourself for somebody and that they should accept you for who you are but with every view and rule there are the exceptions and in this post I shall go through the Don’ts, Possibles and Do’s.
Starting with the Don’ts, those that under no circumstances you should do to please/impress or stay with somebody. Anything that would modify your body for a long period of time (Years or until death) such as; Changing Hair Colour/Style, Getting Piercings or Tattoos. Sure people have many motives for doing all of those on that list, whether they would like to have a slight personality change, love doing those things regularly or have some artistic inspiration or memories which they would like to capture. However for somebody else…changing yourself physically…for somebody that doesn’t have to live in your body… especially in the sad state we find ourselves in in 2016 where the majority of relationships have very little security, many after a few of weeks. So with that being said, it should not take much common sense to steer clear of these changes or else you could be 30 with a rose or a random name drawn on you with barely any memory of who you got it for. Before I continue, alongside these I would like to say that one thing to NEVER EVER do is change any morals you have towards sex or sexual activity in a hope of attracting somebody or even worse keeping somebody. Especially if you are a virgin, you only get a first time once, don’t waste it. Also if you aren’t fully willing or comfortable with doing something it can be one of the most uncomfortable and awkward feeling moments of your life. Intense pressure to do anything can be classified as abuse and even further than that you don’t need a random blogger to describe to you what rape is.
Now on to the more acceptable “Possibles”, the things that we can do which shows that you can be attentive and care about the things they say or do, a perfect way to build a connection between you and the significant other. Yes there will be some similarities with the Do’s however in this section you will see those actions which have the possibility to change the core of who you are which as I mentioned above could not be a positive change should you split up. At the time of writing I can categorise everything in this section in to a subheading of “Entertainment”, by which I mean you listen to their favourite Songs/Artists/Music Genre, watch their favourite TV Shows/Film/Genres, read their favourite Books/Authors/Genres. These are not out and out don’ts as the changes are highly unlikely to be permanent should the time you try them is very temporary and they also have the opportunity to open your eyes to a new genre or world of entertainment which you could love and make you happy for the rest of your life. For example, since May I have been dating and going out with a girl who loves Horror Movies and TwentyOne Pilots (Rap/Pop), a complete contrast to me who loves Comedy Movies and Skillet (Rock). But as we’ve introduced them to each other I’ve found that I quite like Horror Films having seen The Conjuring 2 and Would You Rather. And likewise after I posted the lyrics to “Stars” by Skillet on Instagram which she read, she then listened to the song and various others by the band and now loves them.
Lastly, the Do’s, the actions and changes which I absolutely recommend that you do to get in to or do while in a relationship and within this section are two main items which I am going to focus on;
Do…take up an activity/sport or join a social group, providing that you also do this with your prospective/current partner. A relationship must be a two way system in order for it to work and these changes are a perfect way to create a common interest between yourselves, a common interest which you can continue throughout the rest of your lives with the memory of those times spent together always being fresh in the memory. As well as this these are an incredible way to gain new skills and friends which you will also be able to carry throughout your life, both of which can aid you in your career and other hobbies regardless of whether you remain with your partner. If making a change within a relationship, this kind of change works even better if it is something which neither of you have done before or have limited experience of as when you both begin you will both be as clueless and unskilled as each other meaning that you with learn and grow together as well as need to look out for each other more.
Do…Go to the Gym/Take more of an interest in your personal fitness. Anybody who has read my past posts may have guessed that this would appear at some point. As an ambassador for Sport attempting to increase worldwide participation in some form of physical or fitness activity it is impossible to remain unbiased around this topic. The short term effects of making this change are numerous, such as; Improving self confidence both mentally and physically, improving physical fitness such as flexibility, strength and Aerobic/Muscular Endurance, dependant on your view of how you look you may increase how attractive you are or believe you are which in turn produces happiness and again increases self confidence and provides an opportunity like the other Do activities to meet new people, gain new skills, find a new passion, spend time with your partner and create a common interest. All apart from the final benefit listed is a short term benefit which occurs regardless of your relationship status. Dependant on whether you are intrinsically or externally motivated the long term benefits can also seem just as attractive with the more intrinsic introverts amongst us looking to become an overall healthier and fitter person while the more externally motivated extroverts may see this as a chance to become more attractive aesthetically and increase their chances of attracting a partner in the future, looking to have a high number or long or short term relationships.
This has been my completely individual opinion on When and How to change for somebody, and I stick by my opening view that the only person you should truly change for is yourself as the only thing that is definitely constant throughout your lives is that you have to live with yourselves. People may come and go but only you are you and if people can’t accept that then you will be their loss as they clearly don’t deserve you.
Please share and comment your thoughts, I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.