The first time that we did it together, was only my second su-hexual moment ever and my brain tried it’s hardest to put me off, never has my own mind thought it was so funny as when you’re wanting to have the time of your life. Starting off with some light hand play, teasing, feeling out the situation, the brain immediately kicks in… “I have no idea what I’m doing…Is that the clitoris…Never heard of that Pokemon… I’ve heard these noises in movies before so I think I’m doing pretty good”.
But then the worst thing possible…she queefed (Cover eyes with hand). The Dictionary definition of a Queef is the sound created by the vagina when it sucks in air and blows it back out for no reason. As all the guys in here know, there is one thing that never fails to make us laugh…something that sounds like a fart. She rolls over to face me, “Wow” she remarks beaming, the only thing I could muster while containing the laughter was “…Thanks…”.
It got to a point where she couldn’t just lay there and take it any longer so she turned and asked “Any Requests?”… Immediate response? Star Man by David Bowie would be nice? This was not to be my night. Nervously I managed to clamber on top and begin like any normal person. Now this was our first time, I had to demonstrate my skills. I had to prove that my pull out game was strong because I am A MAN and I need to show that I am completely in control. Very hard to be in complete control when all you can hear is “Baby Grind on Me” playing on repeat but I was confident… But I showed that my pull out game was too strong…pulled out twice… at which point I gave up rolled over and then my balls finally decided to join the party (Throw hands in the air).
The next night we thought we’d go again and this time it went much better. However I found there is one this thing that Year 9 Drama does not prepare you for… that moment when she throws her head back and says “Cum in me”…but you already had…2 minutes ago… so you keep going for a few seconds before taking a deep breath in and falling forward on top of your girl…that’s right girls us guys can fake it too. One final piece of advice that I would give any man watching tonight is after you are done, stay done, under no circumstances should you go down on your woman unless you want to know what it feels like to be a Saint Bernard.
PS: All of this is of imagination and is in no way representative of real life events…