Mental Health Blog #14

Since Wednesday, I have had nothing but Migraines and Chest Pains, sounds like the name of a new rock band, but the only thing that was rocking was me in my room wishing this all to stop…and on Wednesday I very nearly made that happen… The plan to just grab the knife and live stream my goodbyes all over Facebook to later be shared around the globe just felt so tantalising.

I had messaged her the “Hi, I get that you may want more time apart but I just wanted to ask how you are” message…to no response (I had messaged her over snapchat messenger not thinking that she could just click on and delete the message without reading it. Without any response there was no way to get across my apology and forgiveness message…something which has eaten away at me over the past 48 hours, increasing the chest and brain pains to the point where I could not take anymore and I got my best friend to send her the following message (926 Words);

“I’m sorry for breaking the silence, but I felt this was too important not to say and not to be heard. I never wanted to do this through someone else. I know you’re in Uni today and I don’t expect a reply, or you to unblock me or anything, and I get 4 weeks is no where near long enough to get over someone. I know you hate incredibly long messages but this one is important, after this no more long messages or talk by me of the break up, I just need to say it because it’s killing me holding this in any longer you may just delete this but I can’t say that I didn’t try, I can’t promise but I pledge to try my hardest to not message you again for as long as you would like the separation to last. To try and properly move on I need to apologise and forgive. I feel bad for the way I reacted in those few days, I may not have gone around spreading crap like a lot of exes but my behaviour was far from that fitting of a former companion. Reading back over those messages and some of the happier ones I realised how difficult it must have been for you to make and stick with your decision and how uncomfortable you must have been with the battle between your head and heart. You know that all I’ve wanted was for you to be happy and comfortable but in those moments past me was selfish only thinking that the whole summer and every plan we made was all for nothing, like you were about to vanish in to thin air and life would go back to before we even met, my worst fear had come true, and acting how I did just made things worse. You had been nothing but amazing towards me, even in those few minutes after breaking up you tried calming me down, saying that you’d still want to see me, have laughs, have smiles (Something I would like to offer back) and then I went in to my worst quality, never give up mode, you didn’t deserve that.  If I had known you only wanted to try a friendship I would never have sent all those long messages and most definitely shouldn’t have insinuated or even entertained the idea that there was a secret reason even thinking of it makes me bang my head against a wall, also whatever stuff you get up to relations wise is none of my business. You made your decision and I respect that (although I wish that you had told me about the battle with your thoughts sooner if it had troubled you so long, despite it possibly not making a difference I could have at very least listened rather than you try to hold it in, and be uncomfortable. To paraphrase what you said “I should have been the one you wanted to tell or talk to if you were upset or if something was wrong”, I may not be able to fix your problems but I could make sure you don’t face them alone), it makes me cringe how desperate I acted trying to change your mind. It’s been hard to keep this apology from you because it pains me all the time when I feel as though I’ve done somebody wrong, but I knew how important having space was/is. I know there’s the phrase “Words said out of desperation and anger leave permanent scars no matter how much sorry is said” but whenever we see each other next whether it be several weeks or Christmas or 20 years time I will prove the apology to you, I’ve said sorry so much it almost has no meaning. Sure I’m gonna care about you in some amount for a while but the time apart has showed me I can control myself and keep it non relationship, I get why you did what you did and I hope we can try start to rebuild and possibly build on whatever friendship was there before, I certainly don’t hate you or have any negative feelings towards you (Still never lied to you, disrespected you, stick up for you when people try to get me to rant. Being a friendship turned companionship, we didn’t break up because of anything negative, it was something that needed to happen for your well-being and I can’t blame you for that, if I hadn’t acted like such a desperate ass who didn’t read or think things through then we wouldn’t be in this situation, we’d probably have still been those people who got along so well but as friends already). I meant what I said about looking out for you and trying to help with your stresses, the same courtesy that you offered me, and trust me I won’t just abandon you if it becomes heavy, (Whether I’m a shoulder to cry on even though you never cry, an ass to kick, face to rant at or escape from Buxton life) and wanting to put a smile of your face like my mates back home (Just ask Maddie, Katie, Hanna C, Scott, Hannah P or Keeley how that is if need be) and I’d rather try have you in my life as a friend than nothing at all, at very least being civil acquaintances and trying to have a good time together when we inevitably see each other over Christmas Break. What do you say? In the future attempted friends?”

It has brought about some relief, some sense of closure. A sense of if this was too much for her and too heavy during the silence she’ll never want to speak again…then fine, nothing is changing from how it is now. If she would like to start talking again or accept the apology… then fine, I have a fledgling friendship and can start to rebuild around her. But as well as this it has also felt like the closure of one door of negativity and the opening of another as I can’t help but feel the negative thoughts which led to the silence the thought of her being with another man, even though she doesn’t want a relationship right now, even though she’s a person who prefers to live alone…she’s a highly attractive and smart woman who could have any guy she wants, so for all I know she could have had multiple rebounds, even though there is no evidence of this and she isn’t really that kind of girl to be motivated by her libido, with Chaos Theory anything is possible.

As I said in the message, we never fought, we never lied, we never cheated. We went through the stages of Friendship to Relationship to Companionship. The break up had its valid reasons so why are we in this mess? Because I didn’t read the break up messages properly, because I was scared of losing her completely…ironically something that I’ve probably caused. I should have kept quiet way back then and we would have carried on and probably met up and had laughs since then. But instead here we are, over 3 weeks of nothing, looking at another 5 minimum…If I could go back to any point it would be then. Anything is better than nothing.

To add fuel to the fire that is my misery, my flat mates girlfriend is over every night and the humour/preferences between her and my ex are staggering. It’s so mirrored it is like an ever haunting reminder that every giggle and chat and good time they’re having should be me and my ex. There have even been points where I’ve randomly just rolled over and kissed my pillow…while I’m awake. I’m declaring insanity.

I may be losing my mind and nearly losing my life but I will never lose the name Crag Banna…signing out.


Mental Health Blog #13

The phrase “Ups and Downs” has never been more true as my life since Saturday Morning. Waking up early on Saturday, I had been full of excitement looking forward to going to Liverpool to spend time with my second best friend ever, that buzz temporarily died mid morning as I had suddenly been hit with a wave of emptiness which brought me to my knees with my head buried in the floor mid exercise routine, bringing the feeling of sickness on so strong that I didn’t make it to the gym.

While in Liverpool I had a wonderful time watching football and just getting to hang out with him and his family. But as soon as I arrived at the train station alone it was a struggle to keep my mind from wandering back the loss of love and liveliness. The memories and pictures that had once been sweet reminders of what happiness had felt like, now turned to cripple me, having some degree of chest pain ever since. As someone who lives off believing in certainties, having those as reminders, just served to convince myself that there is no guarantee that I would feel that happiness in the rest of my life. 

As usual Monday’s are a surprisingly happy time, getting to hang out with my uni friends through lectures and seminars, however something strange happened that afternoon as I tried to nap. I could see one spot on the ceiling above my bed but I couldn’t move my body at all. After a while my body could begin to move slightly although very slowly and heavily. Every time I blinked my view would go back to the same spot on the ceiling and body in the same place as before. There was one episode where I felt as though I  was able to get up and walk over to where my shoes are kept but my sight was still fixed on that same spot. Other episodes included me hearing people knocking for me and calling for me outside of my door but I couldn’t shout out to them. Once getting desperate to wake up I thought I may have been experiencing a heart attack as it is said you feel numbness and a sense of complete euphoria I attempted to cough which only caused me to blink and return to my starting view. Eventually my phone alarm managed to wake me up much to my relief as without it who knows how much longer I would have been trapped there. 

Today is the day that all along I had planned to break the silence with my ex, first of all asking how they are casually before moving on to apologising for my reaction to the break up, forgiving them for the break up and proposing friendship to them, however in recent days I have been questioning whether I should do it today exactly 3 weeks on and even whether I should do it at all, scared of the reaction that would be waiting for me. Of course what I have to say needs to be said at some point and in my opinion sooner rather than later but I cannot force her to unblock me to read this message. Also what if she’s off out tonight, another possibility to factor in. What is the worst that can happen? I get blocked off everything…oh wait that’s already happening. 

Regardless of the outcome, I’ll always be Crag Banna…signing out.

Mental Health Blog #12

This is less of an update but more of a compilation of thoughts and ideas that I have had over the past few weeks which didn’t fit in to the flow of any of the previous mental health posts.

A few nights ago towards the end of a good day I decided to take a nap however, getting off to sleep my mind brought up two songs which replayed continuously in my head, “Let her Go” by Passenger and “This is Gospel” by Panic! at the Disco. When I woke up again I felt awful, coming up with the line “I’m going to play my arm like a violin, with a knife as my bow”.

Last night, I looked through my most recent searches on Instagram…my ex was one of them. Before where I had been faced with a private screen, blank of content and an option to request follow her, I now could see everything back to normal with an option to follow her regularly. I had been faced with a moral question; Obviously there would be a time when I follow her again, but when? Do I do it now and risk looking like a desperate stalker. No I have chosen to follow her again once we carry on talking, once we start to begin our friendship, that way the undoing of the blockages will be more natural.

If I had a Pound (Or Euro/Dollar in this economic climate) for every time somebody has told me to “Just get over her” I would be so rich that every gold digger in the world would be sniffing around. Lord knows I’ve tried to get over her. Literally. Of course I still care and have some kind of feeling towards her, for a long time I will and some even say you never forget your first. Even though I don’t have the urge to message her, see her or properly miss her 24/7, there is something still there, when I had seen that I had been unblocked it was like an electric shock had hit my heart. Just like after every time I had met up with her in the past, every night for the past week or so I have prayed, about her. By no means am I a religious person, as far as I can remember never attended a Sunday Service and it’s not hard to tell I’ve sinned but I still pray and I still have hope. I pray that she is looked after, I pray that she is happy in life, I pray that when she is ill that she gets better soon and I pray that she is successful and progressing with everything she does.

In an ideal plan, when I inevitably see her at New Years, there will be no awkwardness. Of course people will be people giving us glances and talking about us both being in the same place together but I feel that as long as there is no personal awkwardness between us and that we both have each others backs when words are said. I will make it clear to her that although it is everyone’s annual dream to have a New Year’s kiss, I will still be able to offer the next best thing, a New Year’s hug…a #newyearshug. I mean I don’t want her to be alone at what will be a rather difficult time of year and I would like her to feel warm and welcome in to all of my mates lives, as part of the family, just like this whole relationship period has brought me closer to her friends. Only downside to this is that if we try to have a friendship we will need to keep it quite quiet for a little while with a few people in the group wanting me to drop her from my life full stop. From some people who I thought would be close to her or impartial I have heard some truly absurd things in their attempts to turn me off of her or get mad at her. Some have produced purely unbelievable lies, some have even resulted to insulting her appearance which is absolutely out of order and I’ve had to defend her no matter how much she had hurt me because not only were the insults fragrant lies but also very hurtful. However possibly more troubling I have heard from a few of her closest friends from back home how they hoped that I would have had such an impact that she would change away from the half sloth half partying wildchild that being at university transforms her in to. Some even suggesting that we hold an intervention for her to scare her in to what may happen if she doesn’t change. Even though we never want her to fall, we have all agreed that we’d rather it be sooner, rather than later so that there will actually be people willing to catch her.

To cap off all of the craziness, I’ve been having flashbacks to our greatest moments, so realistic that I feel as though I’m living and breathing in the moment, waking up minutes later. The worst part about the whole situation is that on that final night before University I had a premonition that as I was so happy, something majorly wrong would happen to bring me down, even after the first dreadful week, I said that I was so grateful to have my Dad and her in my life and that losing them would be the only thing to make my life worse. Even during the period of silence, I had been telling my mates that I thought she would be breaking up with me, something which they all strongly denied…later proved them wrong… So many moments lost in a single second of that message, no many promises of experiences which neither of us had had before; Cuddling up together watching Disney Films on cold Autumn/Winter nights and me keeping her company while she’s alone with her housemates returning home for Christmas Break to name but two. If we had been together for two more weeks I would have had spent over £150 on her Christmas Presents, a couples necklace, with personalised inscription and birthstones as well as a trip to the coast where one of her relatives ashes were scattered, so she could say goodbye and spend a bit of the festive period with them.

Who knows what the future has in store for us…regardless it cannot come soon enough.

But what I do know is, I’ve been Crag Banna…Signing Out.

Mental Health Blog #11

I was going to post last night however the amount of work and involvement with World Mental Health Day yesterday left me wiped out.

My involvement came to a close with the following Instagram Post (Picture Featured): This drawing is in honour of World Mental Health Day. Statistics show that either you or somebody close to you, be it friend or family will suffer from a Negative Mental Disorder over their lives. Negative Mental Disorders come in multiple forms including Depression, Anxiety, Memory Loss-Type and Eating Disorders, sadly too often than not leaving sufferers with long term damage after attempting short term relief, having a knock on effect to those around them. Negative Mental Health can be hidden behind a smile, cracks in the mind show long before the cracks on wrists. I am not too proud to admit that I have suffered with ill mental health at points over the past few years, but for the very reason of not wanting to affect others, I would live like the person pictured…until a few weeks ago until I was finally fully open, one of the best decisions of my life. Before I had kept it to myself and at the lows it caused the pain to eat away more, pushing further towards the threshold. This is something that nobody should ever have to go through and this is why today is such a big occasion. Finally removing the negative stigma with being open about mental health and aiming to encourage people to talk. It will surprise you how even the most brash, loud and extroverted people can become the most caring, listening down to Earth people when they know and understand what their friend is going through. Talking for someone for just five minutes a day if you feel like somebody is suffering can make all the difference, removing the need for a negative coping strategy such as Overworking, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Cutting/Scratching or even worse. No body wants to get to that point and no body wants you to get to that point so please, let’s all try to start the fight against negative mental health today…before it’s too late. Thank you.

The general reception from yesterday was very well received, with people getting in contact with me to talk about their own issues as well as want to hear about my past and overall discuss what can be done to make sure that talking about mental health is not confined to one day or one week a year as the issues faced are certainly not limited to that period. Hearing from former Professional Footballer and former Head of the PFA, Clark Carlisle’s past with Mental Health and his involvement with his previous clubs introducing a Monday morning coffee club to just discuss issues as friends rather than team mates and getting all players to have a Nando’s Dinner every Friday night so that those suffering had something to look forward to and understand that they will never be alone. From this I shall propose to the University and himself that we attempt to create a similar coffee club on a Monday morning as after Friday’s seminar the negative mental health suffered had been well hidden and had been affecting a few people even in my small course group.

Outside of this I also found that the inaugural date for my Rugby Club will be next Tuesday,  18th of October, yet another fly or die challenge which I need to try and rise to because if successful the rewards could be huge, not only for myself and the University but all players involved. I had only properly thought about my ex twice yesterday, the first of which I had to restrain myself from being the guy who I had always been scared to become. As I had reached 3 hours in to my 7 hour day of project work, around 13:30 I noticed her snapchat saying that she was off to bed…at half one in the afternoon. I get if it would be a nap after working hard or even if it was waking up after a late night but to go bed then, just stupefied me, promoting a range of negative emotion from jealousy to anger to disbelief to confusion. I felt mad that although she has an incredibly tough and high pressured year of work ahead, she would decide to sleep rather than make sure she kept on top. I felt like such a loser that although she was living the perfect life in the short term, possibly jeopardising her long term she will probably still breeze through life while I work my ass off having a horrible short term in the hope that I will be able to have that perfect life in the long term…but then I realised what’s the point in feeling that way? The cracks will eventually show with a lack of direction and although it will be painful to see someone you care about go down, I’m not in control of them, they aren’t my priority and they certainly aren’t my responsibility so I just have to live and let live, pushing forward to make sure that all of this work is not in vain. Sadly from this my inner rage flared up, getting mad at thinking about going home in a week and a half, thinking of having to revisit the places where we last dated, the path we stood where she essentially lied to me about believing that we would make it through uni, the rock climbing wall which we called our spot where she lied that she wished this would never end. I had also finally made my peace with one of her former best friends last night, not having spoken since the messy incident towards the start of our relationship where the friend was pushed away for a petty reason.

Stress and new environments change people, whether they will ever change back is a whole other question, but one thing is for certain…

I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.

Mental Health Blog #10

Last time that I posted I had a plan to get in contact with her after three weeks of silence just to be kind and civil. Nothing romantic or even that friendly, just acting as one human looking out for another. The key part to me being able to abstain from not talking to her and being able to have something to occupy my mind and time was to have the work placement however the employers have pulled out last minute, citing that I was too marketing focused to work in their ticket sales section despite the ticket sales department coming under the canopy of marketing/commercial activities. Nevertheless I can not complain about that as I have to respect their decision as final, with them saying I would be considered for a marketing position should it open up in the future.

So…how do I fill my time now? Yesterday my parents came up to visit for my Dad’s birthday and we visited Settle and Horton on Ribblesdale in the Yorkshire Dales. From being surrounded by the green of the countryside which my newfound city life lacks I became inspired to follow in my parents footsteps…literally and decided to aim to run the Penyghent hill walk route in a challenge time for charity, 17th of June 2017. the day before fathers day so a great chance to spend some quality time camping out and doing what he enjoyed. This will be my first official hill/mountain walk, having gone part way up a hill once when four years old and I thought why not do it for charity…why not try and do it in a time quicker than all of this old/experienced casual amblers while I’m young and relatively fit. With any luck I will be able to have a form of donation form where for hitting the 3 hour average I receive a certain amount. Then for every 20 minutes under that time the amount that each donor donates increases. This will certainly  occupy my time not only getting to optimal fitness to complete it as quick as possible but working hard to get the biggest donation possible will be an inviting challenge in itself. I haven’t seen a record time but if there is one I could try and aim to beat it. Highly unlikely but it’s worth a shot.

Following the Penyghent walk, I aim to then complete the Yorkshire Dales Three Peaks challenge, going from Penyghent to Ingleborough to Whernside within 9 hours (My Dad’s all time best time) after I complete my University education in just under two years time.

Outside of walking I have also found drawing as an effective release of my emotions and thoughts with a project which I am calling Project F.A.  The aim is to connect visual art to musical art with music accompanying individual components which will eventually come together in one large landscape drawing in more detail than anything which I have attempted before. On top of this hopefully some time in the next 2 weeks I shall begin my quest to establish a Rugby team at my Football based university…a tough task indeed.

So that is me to this point. Leaving the relationship side for another 10 days at least, I look to have plenty to do in the week and have something exciting planned for the next eleven weekends meaning I have something to look forward to every week until New Years (Going to my friends house, Going home for two weekends, Fireworks Night in Manchester with Friends, Countryside touring, First Uni Night Out of the Year, Meeting People in my halls, Countryside Drawing Retreat, Skillet Concert, Going Home for Christmas, Christmas weekend and New Years Weekend)…cannot wait.

I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.

Mental Health Blog #9

I’m OK, not good, not bad, not excited, not downhearted, not motivated, not retreating…just OK…just existing, making it through every day.

On the relationship front or post-relationship front, however you may look at it, I know what I must do, I know what I need to do and I know what I will do. Online, I found a checklist of how to tell if you’ve moved on from a relationship, a checklist which would be futile at present having only been 12 days since the split. However I also found a checklist of ten things to help get over somebody and they were as follows:

  1. Clear Your Baggage- Acknowledge, Accept and Move on (Almost Complete but will take months to fully clear)
  2. Recognise That They Are Not The “One” for You (Possibly the second hardest with no negatives before the break up)
  3. Share the Details of Your Break-Up and Emotions with Close Friends (Complete)
  4. Reduce Contact With Them (In progress- Had taken a slight pause, now complete silence)
  5. Seek Closure Within Them (Practically Impossible as we are not talking plus most of the reasoning had been explained in the break up message)
  6. Forgive Them/ Apologise to Them (This I shall cover more later on)
  7. Do the Things You Love (Complete- Each day I draw something original and new as well as watch my favourite calming childhood show, Pokemon)
  8. Meet New People (This shall begin in a few weekends time when I have a free Saturday to meet people in my Student Village without the Pressure of Alcohol)
  9. Know that there is Nothing Wrong with Them or Yourself (This is a rather easy one as prior to the split I knew that there was nothing wrong with her in the way that she was as a person. Also during the breakup messages she told me how there was nothing wrong with me which was reassuring)
  10. Recognise that there is Someone Out There for Me (Again, almost impossible for me as I view the world as though you get one shot and one chance only, multiple people have tried to tell me exactly what this step is and to each of them I have said that I do not believe them and that I shall apologise sincerely if they are proved to be right at any point in the future)

Number Four and Number Six are two which I would like to elaborate on further as, as you know, she and I are no longer in contact although she reads every single one of my snapchat story updates and has not blocked my phone number. I plan on giving her her space as I now recognise that it is something which is important for the both of us. It not only allows her to gather her thoughts and have breathing time away from the hustle of a relationship which she had experienced over the past few months (One of the key factors of the break up was that she couldn’t deal with the hustle at the moment with her “Stress”- Most likely from University work as this year counts and last year was a struggle) but it gives me time to gather myself, focus similarly on my University work, personal development goals, hobbies and possible placement. At current I am waiting for a response from Oldham Athletic A.F.C. with regards to a placement in the Sales and Marketing Team which if successful would mean me working a 9-5 on my two weekdays where I am not already in University, meaning that with the need to still complete work to a high standard I would not be able to stop working until 8/9pm every weekday in order to keep my weekends as free as possible. While this is an incredible opportunity to gain experience in my field in its own right, it will also give me a solid distraction from my ex-girlfriend, as such making it easier to get along and hopefully break that bond quicker. However with the added time that it takes up, I will clearly be unable to socialise or relax or enjoy as much and with this should be a 20,000,000,000 to 1 shot that she would want to come back or someone else want to go out with me I would most likely have to say no as despite having my phone and Facebook to hand to communicate, I would not be able to immediately get to them should they need me as I wouldn’t be able to stay overnight with them, with chances being that I would not make the last train of the day to them and getting the first train back would mean awkward contact time and be a struggle to make it to my Uni/Placement, leaving only Saturday afternoons and most of Sundays to spend time with them each week, something which I would be uncomfortable putting any girl under. Even if Margot Robbie came knocking on my door asking me to join her as companion in her life of luxury I would have to say no, to stay pursuing my own dreams no matter how incredible certain aspects of my life things may have become. Going back to the action to give space, the main question is; How long do I give? Do I wait for her to eventually message me which may never happen? Or do I message her after a certain amount of time away? I have chosen to go with the second option. After spending much time online researching this I have found the average time to wait for a reply is between 3 and 4 weeks. As such I will break the silence on the 3 week anniversary of its commencement (2 weeks to go), keeping it simple along the lines of “Hi, how are you?” With the added recognition that it is OK for her to want more time apart. Nobody can get angry with you for asking how they are…surely?  This period of time is also from a psychological stand point, the length of time needed to form or break a habit…such as needing to speak to somebody every day. OK then, after that, if she replies what do I say? This is where item number 6 comes in. I apologise for the way that I acted in the days after the break up as I clearly did not deal well as it led to the near complete blocking of my existence, as well as apologise for the almost accusation like nature of my bringing up of her ulterior motive for breaking up. From here I can then forgive her for breaking up with me (Sounds odd I know) but I have to then let her know I understand her reasons were entirely necessary and that I respect her decisions. Following this I shall attempt to offer to put the whole negative scenario behind us and pitch to attempt to rebuild/start our friendship, letting her know that I would treat her like any of my friends back home, that she can come to me any time if she has any issues or need to de-stress.

So this is where I stand at current time, share, like and comment your thoughts on what I plan to do, all feedback is welcome as always.

I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.

Train Like a Pro 2016- Quarter Four

We are now entering the final quarter of the year. Nine months of testing the fitness training methods for several sports and workout styles, only three remain. Although this is normally a time of year where we instinctively retreat to our beds and sofas in search of warmth and comfort with times of great feasting ahead in the form of Thanksgiving and Christmas or to those who don’t celebrate those, the festive period, anyone following this programme and I will not rest until the clock strikes midnight to end the year.

Continuing with the aim to maintain and build upon my muscle mass through these University, I will now also be looking to ensure that I do not pile on fat with the difficult student diet and temptations to gorge at events towards the close of the year.

October- Daily Challenges/ Monthly Challenges. Within this month I shall be continuing my usual Gym Routine every 2 days however for this month’s variation the work out does not end there as I then complete the current day’s Core, Chest, Leg and Arm workout as set by an online 31 day challenge programme. On top of this on the days not spent in the gym I shall be doing “Challenge” workouts for Core, Chest, Arm and Leg Muscles of at least 10 minutes each.

November- Bodyweight Training (Had originally been Rock Climbing/Bouldering however due to a breakdown in relations with a frequent user of the local centre I have decided to let them have the space they deserve). The main premise of Rock Climbing/Bouldering is that the body is its own gym, training muscles for endurance, power and strength through the controlled movements and pull up style movements as you scale the walls. As such the premise will be carried over with a circuit of bodyweight exercises on those days not in the gym as well as attempting to incorporate three variations of pull up grip in to my regular routine. The bodyweight only days shall involve multiple variations around a basic movement such as push up or sit up to engage all of the muscles involved and place a different emphasis on different muscle groups. Examples of these are Oblique Crunches, Side Tricep Push Ups and Downward-Facing-Dog Push Ups. To finish each of the bodyweight sessions I shall do a Push Up and V-Up, 55 rep countdown activity where I shall begin with 10 repetitions of the movement followed by a ten second break and then re engaging with a set of nine followed by another ten second break, so on and so forth. This activity is designed to mimic the fatigue faced within bouldering, aiming to increase muscular endurance as a result with fast and explosive movements to work on the ability to exert power.

December- Crossfit. It even feels dirty to mention the word, the scurge of everything I have previously stood for in the gym, however it is now undoubtedly one of the fastest growing workout fads and must have something going for it other than the knee and back injuries which have been reported from their sessions. As the main premise of the workouts, built in to my regular gym routine will be a series of low weight, high repetition, high intensity activities, similar to on a HIIT training programme. These will range from Explosive/Box Jump Burpees, One Legged Squats and Low Weighted Deadlifts as well as others as specified by Nerd Fitnesses Introduction to Crossfit.


Nearly there and with some tough months ahead mentally, physically, in the gym and in the workplace this will be the true test of human resolve and endurance. I’m confident I can make it and make an ever lasting impact on my fitness journey…this will be worth it…

I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.