Mental Health Blog #9

I’m OK, not good, not bad, not excited, not downhearted, not motivated, not retreating…just OK…just existing, making it through every day.

On the relationship front or post-relationship front, however you may look at it, I know what I must do, I know what I need to do and I know what I will do. Online, I found a checklist of how to tell if you’ve moved on from a relationship, a checklist which would be futile at present having only been 12 days since the split. However I also found a checklist of ten things to help get over somebody and they were as follows:

  1. Clear Your Baggage- Acknowledge, Accept and Move on (Almost Complete but will take months to fully clear)
  2. Recognise That They Are Not The “One” for You (Possibly the second hardest with no negatives before the break up)
  3. Share the Details of Your Break-Up and Emotions with Close Friends (Complete)
  4. Reduce Contact With Them (In progress- Had taken a slight pause, now complete silence)
  5. Seek Closure Within Them (Practically Impossible as we are not talking plus most of the reasoning had been explained in the break up message)
  6. Forgive Them/ Apologise to Them (This I shall cover more later on)
  7. Do the Things You Love (Complete- Each day I draw something original and new as well as watch my favourite calming childhood show, Pokemon)
  8. Meet New People (This shall begin in a few weekends time when I have a free Saturday to meet people in my Student Village without the Pressure of Alcohol)
  9. Know that there is Nothing Wrong with Them or Yourself (This is a rather easy one as prior to the split I knew that there was nothing wrong with her in the way that she was as a person. Also during the breakup messages she told me how there was nothing wrong with me which was reassuring)
  10. Recognise that there is Someone Out There for Me (Again, almost impossible for me as I view the world as though you get one shot and one chance only, multiple people have tried to tell me exactly what this step is and to each of them I have said that I do not believe them and that I shall apologise sincerely if they are proved to be right at any point in the future)

Number Four and Number Six are two which I would like to elaborate on further as, as you know, she and I are no longer in contact although she reads every single one of my snapchat story updates and has not blocked my phone number. I plan on giving her her space as I now recognise that it is something which is important for the both of us. It not only allows her to gather her thoughts and have breathing time away from the hustle of a relationship which she had experienced over the past few months (One of the key factors of the break up was that she couldn’t deal with the hustle at the moment with her “Stress”- Most likely from University work as this year counts and last year was a struggle) but it gives me time to gather myself, focus similarly on my University work, personal development goals, hobbies and possible placement. At current I am waiting for a response from Oldham Athletic A.F.C. with regards to a placement in the Sales and Marketing Team which if successful would mean me working a 9-5 on my two weekdays where I am not already in University, meaning that with the need to still complete work to a high standard I would not be able to stop working until 8/9pm every weekday in order to keep my weekends as free as possible. While this is an incredible opportunity to gain experience in my field in its own right, it will also give me a solid distraction from my ex-girlfriend, as such making it easier to get along and hopefully break that bond quicker. However with the added time that it takes up, I will clearly be unable to socialise or relax or enjoy as much and with this should be a 20,000,000,000 to 1 shot that she would want to come back or someone else want to go out with me I would most likely have to say no as despite having my phone and Facebook to hand to communicate, I would not be able to immediately get to them should they need me as I wouldn’t be able to stay overnight with them, with chances being that I would not make the last train of the day to them and getting the first train back would mean awkward contact time and be a struggle to make it to my Uni/Placement, leaving only Saturday afternoons and most of Sundays to spend time with them each week, something which I would be uncomfortable putting any girl under. Even if Margot Robbie came knocking on my door asking me to join her as companion in her life of luxury I would have to say no, to stay pursuing my own dreams no matter how incredible certain aspects of my life things may have become. Going back to the action to give space, the main question is; How long do I give? Do I wait for her to eventually message me which may never happen? Or do I message her after a certain amount of time away? I have chosen to go with the second option. After spending much time online researching this I have found the average time to wait for a reply is between 3 and 4 weeks. As such I will break the silence on the 3 week anniversary of its commencement (2 weeks to go), keeping it simple along the lines of “Hi, how are you?” With the added recognition that it is OK for her to want more time apart. Nobody can get angry with you for asking how they are…surely?  This period of time is also from a psychological stand point, the length of time needed to form or break a habit…such as needing to speak to somebody every day. OK then, after that, if she replies what do I say? This is where item number 6 comes in. I apologise for the way that I acted in the days after the break up as I clearly did not deal well as it led to the near complete blocking of my existence, as well as apologise for the almost accusation like nature of my bringing up of her ulterior motive for breaking up. From here I can then forgive her for breaking up with me (Sounds odd I know) but I have to then let her know I understand her reasons were entirely necessary and that I respect her decisions. Following this I shall attempt to offer to put the whole negative scenario behind us and pitch to attempt to rebuild/start our friendship, letting her know that I would treat her like any of my friends back home, that she can come to me any time if she has any issues or need to de-stress.

So this is where I stand at current time, share, like and comment your thoughts on what I plan to do, all feedback is welcome as always.

I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.


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