I was going to post last night however the amount of work and involvement with World Mental Health Day yesterday left me wiped out.
My involvement came to a close with the following Instagram Post (Picture Featured): This drawing is in honour of World Mental Health Day. Statistics show that either you or somebody close to you, be it friend or family will suffer from a Negative Mental Disorder over their lives. Negative Mental Disorders come in multiple forms including Depression, Anxiety, Memory Loss-Type and Eating Disorders, sadly too often than not leaving sufferers with long term damage after attempting short term relief, having a knock on effect to those around them. Negative Mental Health can be hidden behind a smile, cracks in the mind show long before the cracks on wrists. I am not too proud to admit that I have suffered with ill mental health at points over the past few years, but for the very reason of not wanting to affect others, I would live like the person pictured…until a few weeks ago until I was finally fully open, one of the best decisions of my life. Before I had kept it to myself and at the lows it caused the pain to eat away more, pushing further towards the threshold. This is something that nobody should ever have to go through and this is why today is such a big occasion. Finally removing the negative stigma with being open about mental health and aiming to encourage people to talk. It will surprise you how even the most brash, loud and extroverted people can become the most caring, listening down to Earth people when they know and understand what their friend is going through. Talking for someone for just five minutes a day if you feel like somebody is suffering can make all the difference, removing the need for a negative coping strategy such as Overworking, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Cutting/Scratching or even worse. No body wants to get to that point and no body wants you to get to that point so please, let’s all try to start the fight against negative mental health today…before it’s too late. Thank you.
The general reception from yesterday was very well received, with people getting in contact with me to talk about their own issues as well as want to hear about my past and overall discuss what can be done to make sure that talking about mental health is not confined to one day or one week a year as the issues faced are certainly not limited to that period. Hearing from former Professional Footballer and former Head of the PFA, Clark Carlisle’s past with Mental Health and his involvement with his previous clubs introducing a Monday morning coffee club to just discuss issues as friends rather than team mates and getting all players to have a Nando’s Dinner every Friday night so that those suffering had something to look forward to and understand that they will never be alone. From this I shall propose to the University and himself that we attempt to create a similar coffee club on a Monday morning as after Friday’s seminar the negative mental health suffered had been well hidden and had been affecting a few people even in my small course group.
Outside of this I also found that the inaugural date for my Rugby Club will be next Tuesday, 18th of October, yet another fly or die challenge which I need to try and rise to because if successful the rewards could be huge, not only for myself and the University but all players involved. I had only properly thought about my ex twice yesterday, the first of which I had to restrain myself from being the guy who I had always been scared to become. As I had reached 3 hours in to my 7 hour day of project work, around 13:30 I noticed her snapchat saying that she was off to bed…at half one in the afternoon. I get if it would be a nap after working hard or even if it was waking up after a late night but to go bed then, just stupefied me, promoting a range of negative emotion from jealousy to anger to disbelief to confusion. I felt mad that although she has an incredibly tough and high pressured year of work ahead, she would decide to sleep rather than make sure she kept on top. I felt like such a loser that although she was living the perfect life in the short term, possibly jeopardising her long term she will probably still breeze through life while I work my ass off having a horrible short term in the hope that I will be able to have that perfect life in the long term…but then I realised what’s the point in feeling that way? The cracks will eventually show with a lack of direction and although it will be painful to see someone you care about go down, I’m not in control of them, they aren’t my priority and they certainly aren’t my responsibility so I just have to live and let live, pushing forward to make sure that all of this work is not in vain. Sadly from this my inner rage flared up, getting mad at thinking about going home in a week and a half, thinking of having to revisit the places where we last dated, the path we stood where she essentially lied to me about believing that we would make it through uni, the rock climbing wall which we called our spot where she lied that she wished this would never end. I had also finally made my peace with one of her former best friends last night, not having spoken since the messy incident towards the start of our relationship where the friend was pushed away for a petty reason.
Stress and new environments change people, whether they will ever change back is a whole other question, but one thing is for certain…
I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.