Mental Health Blog #17

Just a quick update on yesterday’s post.

Last night I had an incredible time at the Manchester Platt Fields Firework Display, winning myself a plushie friend, finding a great doughnut vendor and of course watching the amazing music themed display. I may not have made any friends at that event but I still enjoyed the company of myself, stepping out of my flat, out of my comfort zone, to do something which I enjoyed, not relying on anyone elses participation in my life for happiness. But to be honest that would have been the only thing to make my whole night better. Even when I got back in I had a relaxing night watching the Lilo and Stitch movie while eating Ice Cream, but that old saying of mine popped back up for the first time since May 18th, possibly minutes, not even hours before my ex lit up my phone for the first time since New Years, “Life isn’t as fun when you have no one to share it with”. Sure that would normally have hit me hard, being all alone, especially knowing that there were multiple people who I like and care about that also had no one and nothing to do for bonfire night so they all sat in bored and down. If I could have clicked my fingers and brought them to where I was it would have made everything that much more special. Watching their faces light up with the sky in synchronicity, but I couldn’t the truth was people had a poor time because I couldn’t help them. Prime example, my ex. Loves Christmas Lights, loves fireworks, loves Lilo and Stitch, under so much stress in need of relief, left alone all weekend, yet if we hadn’t have broken up or had moved on to being friends already, she could have been there to witness those special once a year events, we could have increased out happiness exponentially, but we couldn’t.

Speaking of her, I didn’t hear from her in the end and I severely doubt that I will today, so I can only hope that I hear from her at some point in the next 16 or so days so I don’t have to go through a third party to inform her about my work nearby. Unintentionally I ran the experiment I had mentioned in my last Mental Health Blog Post and once again it proved true and within 5 minutes of all my firework display content going live, the read receipts kept on coming through that she had seen all of them. Even the post about watching Lilo and Stitch, 20 minutes after the other, she saw within 3 minutes on being sent online, similarly a post this afternoon about getting two Soy Sauce Sachets in my Pot Noodle…within 10 minutes. Now all I’ve got to do is hope that this high interest translates in to a message from her as it genuinely irks me that she’s suffering with no one willing to help and those willing to help are just being ignored, that while I’m here drowning in work, I’m able to still work out, draw, enjoy myself and get the work done while she’s sleeping, running in circles, not getting the work done and stressing herself out more to the point of illness. Final point on the whole snapchat situation, why has she not removed my name from the friends list if she is blanking me this hard. It’s like why wasn’t I blocked on Instagram and some say I wasn’t blocked on Facebook, just she hid her profile from my view, meaning my posts still come up on hers as usual.

Once again there was something else I was meant to write about but I can’t remember, I’m not sure how regularly I will post this week due to assignment commitments and my hill climb next Saturday so next Sunday should be the latest you hear from me. I may not be able to give any guarantees on that but I can guarantee that I am Crag Banna…Signing Out.

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