Another day, another 24 hours of headaches induced by the hurricane of thoughts raging inside my head. This has been my life for the past week and a half.
While there is nothing to be depressed about, there is always something on my mind.
Not to mention my ex has popped up in mind and although I haven’t seen her with another man or doing anything to cause me harm, it somehow bothers me that she is putting on weight, having spells of depression at times when she should be at her happiest and that she is only settling for short term pleasure from occasional one night stands rather than being fulfilled with a committed partner.
Weirder still is that today she finally got her dream summer placement which she spoke about most days of when we were together, she worked so hard for it yet I had been unable to say congratulations without feeling awkward. I’m so proud of her yet I know socially I cannot let it show.
This year has the potential to leave me alone, grandparentless, with one parent who will struggle to walk and use their hands and the other with declining physical health. The temptation to give up when each of these inevitable events happens will be immense however I know I must go on. At times over the past few days I have had the feeling to sit in the corner of my room in the dark with my knees hugged in to my chest as I rock back and forth, until one of my friends come in to see me at which point I would meet them with a harrowing dark creeping speech walking as though a crazed zombie.
Life is starting to come together with the Event Planning Module giving me the ability to create contacts and organise a publicly benefiting event in my own design. I am currently talking to a girl as friends, we both care for each others mental and physical wellbeing, ensuring that we are not alone in this world. I am undergoing two highly important Marketing workshops and classes which will hopefully land me my summer placement at the Saints. Last weekend I visited Lincoln and caught up with one of my best school friends, this weekend I go back to Burnley to watch them take on my favourite football team, taking back in the sights.
There was so much more which I would like to write about but either the feeling has passed by or I do not have time to go in to it in enough detail which you deserve.
I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.