Mental Health Blog #33

Slowly making my way through writing all of the “Upcoming Posts” that I mentioned in previous pieces, I’ve realised how much I am being consumed by life right now.

While pretty much none of the things in life are negative right now, there is still a lot to do and a lot to take in with the week starting on Friday of immense proportions (for me). In the past week I’ve had a job interview which was successful, found out that I got a first on a group assignment, done another group assignment, visited Buxton, watched football with my best friend from back home alongside many other things. All rather positive experiences which no one would complain about… but where’s the catch. I’ve had a positive past 3/4/5 weeks, possibly even longer, normally I can never string together more than a few good days, yet alone weeks. Usually life has gone in a cycle; Be Optimistic, Achieve or Something Good Happens, Happiness is Stopped Abruptly, Few Days of Depression and Overthinking, Try to Put the Bad Behind like a Pheonix from the Ashes. As I wrote about in early 2016, this is nothing new normally having set backs with my long term crush or someone becoming ill in my family after what I’ve seen as a period of progress. Probably the biggest example of this back and forth came in September when I started this series. I had the best summer of my life, arguably the best I’ll ever have, and I definitely don’t know what I’ll do with myself this summer. I had great days out and adventures with my closest friends who reconnected from the various places around the country they now study and work at. In my eyes it was the time when I became a man, I became an adult, I had this incredible relationship which happened to just burn bright and burn out quickly but none the less all of that effort and experiences have been life changing. And after that time, after the best 9 days of my life and after the single greatest night of my life, I came to University in Manchester and I at the time I had never had depression like it, I could not settle whatsoever. I recovered about a week later, making a strong start to Etihad learning life…then I got dumped, which obliterated that. I tried to see positives and move forward…then I became blocked from everything. I brushed myself down and tried to make a positive start to single life by getting a job interview…and I suffered rejection yet again.

So this is why I ask, what is the catch? What is the hitch? What is the cost to all of this? Is it the feeling that I;m having with a million things spinning in  my head at the moment? Is life waiting for the moment which I cannot afford to be down… which just so happens to be the week/eight days starting on Friday. I have a job interview on Friday before going to watch Wigan Warriors with one of my best friends, on Saturday I am at Grease- The Musical taking  a girl I’ve been chatting to on a first date, on Tuesday I will be doing another University Assignment Presentation, on Wednesday I shall be signing all of the paperwork to move into my new house in September, and finally on the second Friday I shall be at a Ghost concert.

 

This part isn’t something I really wanted to write about on here, but it is something that is playing on my mind. Now you’ve probably heard me mention similar feelings towards my ex (Who mysteriously copied the filter of my profile on to hers days after I changed and tried to start her own northern tour) before and how they are living life but there is a friend who seems to be taking that a step further. In the first year of University they essentially dropped everybody from back home aside from three or four people, picking up a new best friend and one or two acquaintances at University. In the second year and over the past summer, they have lost all apart from one person from back home although if she was in trouble there would be people who may help and they’ve pushed their uni best friend aside for one of their new housemates who features in every picture and photo, despite having the chance to be with 6/7 various people. From eight or so down to two people in the space of eighteen months is not a positive sign. Also the problem with putting all of your eggs in the “My Best/Only friend goes University with me” basket is that in just over a year when University is over, are you realistically going to stick together? You often see school teachers and doctors/nurses live together after University and their friendship continues in that way as they have experience working at the same place who are willing to take on multiple people each year at the end of their courses. But their course is rather specialised or unique, and only really active in the summer months and in all honesty there aren’t that many places (50 Max) in the UK that would offer jobs in this field. So with all people from their course and similar courses going for these limited number of jobs chances are they won’t both get in to the same place, and with their track record of losing friends it seems as though it will be tough for them to make friends their new place of work. Similarly if neither of them get in to the place of work, they will likely go back to living at home where their friend has their own lives and several old friends to be comfortable around and stick with…however as mentioned earlier, my friend or as they see it (someone  who I know), will not have anyone to really go back to, all because of this attitude they have now. I’ve been lucky in being able to maintain my amount of friends from school and possibly even add to and strengthen the friendships I’ve had with some of them. Also at University I’d say I’m in a group of 5/6 people but I get along with everyone. So rather than having a one or two person reunion I could potentially meet up with 10/15.

It isn’t just how they’ve been treating people that’s counter productive, there’s no nice way to say it and it may not be my place to judge but they really aren’t looking after their bodies and are getting “bigger”. This person is someone who back in Year 8/9 was an exhibition of fitness, representing multiple sports teams to a high standard, with abs that most guys would be jealous of. But now you wouldn’t even believe that they used to be like that, when we last hung out it was clear that they had changed somewhat as we weren’t able to play like we used to. Two of the things that they love doing most require immense levels of balance, strength, muscular endurance and at times flexibility to perform at a half decent level. I’m not afraid to say that I completely suck. Like at rock climbing I can only go up about 5-7 grips without needing a rest or falling off, equivalent to about 7/8 pull ups, this person who loves doing it has seen themselves get gradually worse, managing about 2-4 grips and a single pull up. I really don’t want them to give up on what they enjoy because they are being limited by their physical fitness, it is quite sad to see someone who could run wrings around most fall so sharply from grace.

One final thing is their handling of money is poor to say the least. In their first year of University their nonchalant attitude towards spending meant that they ended up with over a grand of debt and very nearly entering overdraft last summer due to more heavy spending without income. Sure, student loans and grants help and there’s always the student’s favourite bank of mum and dad but going out once or twice per week spending around £15, over the twenty or so weeks which have passed us at university this year means they’ve spent around £375-£400 already which is most of your money after equipment, rent and food. They complain online about being skint, so what do they do? Buy a watch which retails for around £130-£150.

I know they probably wouldn’t listen to me about this but I have to try something, anything, before it is too late and they go back to their old depression days, so if anybody has any ideas of how to get through, I’m all ears.

Apologies for that rant, I’ll try and get my next post out on Wednesday but for now, I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.

 

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