Mental Health Blog #35

Is this the start of the long awaited downfall/decline of my happiness? As I mentioned in Mental Health Blog #33, typically my life has sharp periods of ying and yang, ebb and flow, high and low, and in the past month and a half I’ve had a sustained period of positivity with what most would see as a supreme lucky streak. However the past couple of days the cracks have begun to show…and as yet that is all they are, cracks…

As I wrote about in my latest Adventures of One piece, I was meant to have gone to see Grease- The Musical with who I thought was a lovely girl called Abbie (Who I had been seeing for a couple of weeks). However, around four hours before the show started, when I messaged her to sort out timings and organise what would happen after the show…it was picked up by somebody claiming to be her boyfriend…a boyfriend who she had never mentioned previously and claimed to have only got with her in the past few days…hardly a long term thing, especially as she’s seen more than one guy at the same time. Massive kick in the teeth after both revealing some quite private information and me spending quite a bit of time and money organising the night. Nevertheless, I must march on and keep going as usual, keeping my bait in the water as I’ve deleted the old fish from all of my social networks.

Again going back a few posts, I wrote about how my “kind of ex” friend had begun a kind of concerning decline of their own. The gone weekend they uploaded a few pictures when out with friends at a music gig and generally celebrating Mother’s Day which got people talking, bringing me in to the fold yet again. None of us know if it was just a few cases of bad lighting or our friendship goggles had worn off, as they looked so different to how we had seen them just over half a year ago. Someone remarked that when posing next to their little brother and step sister they looked ill almost, with reminding features of a stereotypical druggie or junkie parent who you see on tv. Pictures at the gig next to their rather skinny/slim friends didn’t help that people thought that they had “grown” even more than first imagined. It became clear that in the social situation of hitting on a member of the opposite sex in a night club, they had gone from the person which made suitors nervous to talk to/the go to person, to the person who would have to be made sure are okay if their friend goes off with someone else. An example of this happened with me a year or so ago as in a group of five guys we bumped in to a group of three single girls. One of my mates wanted to make a move on the best looking girl in that group, however she wouldn’t get off with him unless her two (slightly less attractive) friends got with two of us. And as I was one of two of the only other single guys in our group I had to bite the bullet and take one for the team. Knowing my friends…or friend that they go out with, it is harsh to say but they are most certainly not first choice, or possibly even second or third, dependant on who’s with them. I hate that these words are coming out of my mind and keyboard as I’ve somehow become such a judgemental ass, passing comment on someone elses life but it is so hard to keep this sort of confused upset bottled up in my mind as they are such a great person who is seeming losing those amazing qualities a little more every day. For some reason I feel that if the universe listens enough it will somehow change things for them, like the power of positive thinking we see so much about…believe and you can achieve.

Well I’ve been the bitchy declining Crag Banna…signing out.

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