Mental Health Blog #36

The side of me which I’m like marmite with reared its head on Thursday night. Originally looking to go on a night out with a couple of friends who I’d be sharing a house with next year, not even drinking, aiming to stick to drinking Vimto at pre-drinks. However…it wasn’t just the three of us…it was eight of us at pre-drinks and six out on the town and …I didn’t go for Vimto…I had four cans of Budweiser and whatever the forfeit drinks were in the games. Everything was fine, I was fitting right in to the group of people who I had at most a couple of hours of my life with previously, I had been able to grow in to the circle and tell my own jokes.

Step in the club and suddenly that player drunk side hits. We get our first round of drinks, I spotted a girl sitting alone, no sign of any friends, I ask her if she’d like to come along with us, we dance, hand in hand…then we kiss. I go to the bathroom and come back to see her dancing with the rest of my friends, each of them came up one by one to ask me how I managed to get a girl that quickly like I had whispered some secret code to her. In the end it turns out she was no where near “Mine” (Although at the end of the night I had the chance to take her back to my place for…ahem…coffee), she had a snogging series including two of the guys in the group and a girl which came as quite a surprise for all of us. We eventually made our way around the dancefloor in our group dancing our way towards the DJ, when suddenly a girl who I had never seen before, stood in front of me, danced for a few seconds before grabbing me by the shirt and literally inhaling my face. No word of a lie, I thought it was only snakes who could open their jaws that wide, felt more like I was getting eaten than kissed. Even more surprising, as soon as the kiss was over, she disappeared with her friend and we never met again. The group and I went on to dance with two other pairs of girls, having a laugh with all of them. Before we knew it the night was over and we had to clear out of the club. The final pair that we were with spotted me outside and asked for directions to a takeaway about ten minutes walk from us but one of them was so drunk that there was no way they’d make it so I offered to walk them there as it was on my way home. When we got here the better looking of the two gave me a kiss on the lips for my troubles to make it three for the night. But I didn’t feel fulfilled in any way, I didn’t take any body home to go the distance and although I had the opportunities to, I didn’t feel as though it was a priority or a want to. And despite the trio bringing brief positivity and a better reputation with my new friends it still proved that I was right in that I become a player when I drink…I AM NOT A PLAYER!!!

As with modern times, the whole night was broadcast on my snapchat, with pictures with the guys and a picture of the girl eating my face like me with doughnuts going on my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter also. Who saw these pictures? My ex… You’d have thought that it wouldn’t be a problem and I certainly didn’t see it as one (Although it will be fun to see if there is a clearly staged response when she inevitably goes out tonight), but on my Instagram post of the kiss… It had been liked by three people, but when I checked the names of the likers, only two showed. This meant that the phantom liker was someone who could see my account yet hid themselves from me…and there are only two people who have done that…the girl I saw in December…and my ex. Now as the only person who would have known about the kiss as by Snapchat, it could only be the latter. Like it to get in my head? Who knows but it hasn’t worked. How else do I think it’s her? I mean for all I know a random person who keeps looking at my profile has hidden themselves. When I searched for my friend later that day, in my presumptive results list was her housemate with the underline “@myexesaccountnamehere is following this person” as if to show that we have mutual friend/interactor. By all means I am up for refollowing each other or refriending each other but maybe liking something of mine out of either spite or to take the mick may not be the way to go.

Until the next time I get pissed, I’ve been Crag Banna waiting for my exes revenge comeback…signing out.

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