Mental Health Blog #37

Apologies for not posting in a long while, I had planned to have written about 5 pieces in the past two weeks while on my Easter break however a mixture of things such as Por-wait what it wasn’t that? Oh well it was Anime, Socializing, Procrastination and Depression (Yay Depression, who doesn’t love a good bout of that) made it virtually impossible to create anything of postable quality. Those four things hampered me so much in fact that despite having five weeks from the start of the holiday to complete two large university assignments, not a single word was done and I am now facing a two and three week deadline to get all work done.

First of all in that list, anime. Quite simply, I love it. As promised many weeks ago I shall be writing about a series that I had seen which completely changed how I felt for a long while and that is still going to be something which I will write about, I haven’t forgotten…honest. Once my assignments are out of the way I hope to write a series on each of the different animes I have watched and the worlds around them. To date they will be: Your Lie in April, Sword Art Online, Mirai Nikki and Konosuba. The procrastination has killed me for time in the next couple of weeks with my spare time after them split in to parts of a cycle: Football Manager Season, Learn a song on Guitar, Draw one of the concepts/characters from my ideas list, Watch an entire anime (All seasons) and complete a task from my non-urgent to do list with items which have stretched back to Christmas time.

That’s another thing, the University breakdown of 4 weeks, 6 weeks then 3 weeks after Christmas has allowed time to fly by with the very real possibility that the next time I write on here I will no longer be a teenager which I am clinging on to by the skin of my teeth. And for that time I have big plans (Scurries around trying to get people together)

Anyway back to the main topic. Procrastination and Socializing have almost gone hand in hand to prevent me doing work with the idea that going out for an hour or two meant that the whole day was disrupted, even when it wasn’t. Catching up on sleep was a huge part of my lifestyle and when I was awake I found ever increasing amounts of content on the animes that I had watched, the worlds around them, manga, fandoms and novels.

Right, time to get more serious for a moment. The latter element of why I didn’t get anything done was a bout of depression. I’m not even sure what triggered it to be blatantly honest but I know the feelings and thoughts that it brought up. Normally when you are confronted with a problem, you find a solution and work through that solution’s process until Hooray no more problem. But with this the solution is undoubtedly something that would take months to do…and that is assuming that other people are willing to play their roles in it. The problem here is once again seeing the positives in my ex but I realise that it is not me being in love with her, it is being in love with the situations that a relationship provides. Within that it’s that feeling of powerlessness and possibility that I will never be in those situations again which have been dragging me back by the shirt. I’ve dated/seriously chatted to four girls since that whole break up and two of those in the past six weeks, I don’t know what desperation smells like but looking at those numbers I must damn reek of it and I hate that too. I’m sure I’ve probably written this before but for me at this stage in my life, my ultimate goal is waking up next to somebody. But not just anybody, as that has happened since the break up. Somebody who’s goal isn’t to leave as soon as possible as you wonder who the hell was that? Somebody who you can roll over and face in the morning and while both of you are weary eyed and still sleepy, smile at. When they ask you why you’re smiling so hard you simply say “Because I’ve realised I get to wake up next to the most beautiful girl (change depending on your preferences) around” and then kiss them on the forehead. Then you have the rest of the morning to cuddle and kiss it out, laying in the arms of someone who you truly care about/love knowing nothing in that moment could go wrong, nothing can hurt you both. Similarly, if they are facing away from you or you’re loosely spooning. Grab them and squeeze them tight…trust me they feel it and like it too.

So yeah if anyone could order that for my upcoming birthday…much appreciated.

Anyways, I must go various citizens and do a 3000 word research proposal… I’ve been Crag Banna…signing out.

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