Night Ramblings 4

When you meet new people and are gathered around a table or a campfire or in a circle for a long period of time, the topic of relationships always come up. Whether it be finding out if everybody there has a significant other or why someone is single or what have someone’s exes been like. Currently my ex is off on summer placement for a few months, spending nights gathered round a camp fire chatting with the girls of the placement while most of the guys go off doing whatever separate thing they do. Inevitably at some point exes would have been something discussed, so what would be said about me? Would she make up that I was abusive or over controlling or something like that which would give her an easy way to say why we aren’t together any longer or would she tell the truth or how she described me in the break up message as a gentleman or someone who is kind and caring, then telling the real reason why we broke up quite civilly. Also when I message her saying happy birthday when it comes around, people will ask who that message is from and want to get involved knowing it’s from an ex. Depending on the stories told, I will either be seen as an asshole who is desperately trying to get back with her or a guy just trying to be nice and friendly to someone who he knows/cares about on her birthday. Judging that I haven’t messaged her or interacted with her in over 4 months when that time comes around, the latter should come through.

Furthermore, with the drinking game Never Have I Ever a lot is revealed, specifically sexual things when stories of past flings are shared, I must be a reason why she gets absolutely hammered because we got up to some pretty outside the box stuff.

Now it’s over 8 months since that relationship and about 5 months since the last sort of relationship I’ve begun to notice more and more things that I miss about them. And the main two that stand out beside buying a girl flowers/surprise gifts are a girls smile and a girls sarcastic voice. In a publically posted video by my ex she sarcastically said “Oh well done” to someone and it instantly took me back, not just to time with her because I had forgotten that voice but that feeling of with any jokey girl, like you do something wrong, she stands in front of you, stares you in the eyes and sarcastically/teasingly says something like “Oh well done” then you have a lustful longing kiss. And that is something which both sinks my heart thinking that my chances of doing that with arguably the most attractive person I’ll meet gone and makes my heart pound thinking that there could be someone else out there who with a less seductive voice and face.

I am struggling being back here seeing all the facebook memories of a year ago, just hope I make it through without fully breaking down.


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